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Chicken Adobo

Chicken Adobo

Posting again already? Yup. Because the struggle is so fucking real. Fast food. Hotels. Pissing me off and making me think about food I love to cook/eat.

Daydreaming about a nice pot of Adobo bubbling happily in my Dutch Oven. The smell of Jasmine rice cooking in the rice cooker.

SMH. Dammit.

God bless the Philippines though. No seriously. Filipino food is fucking great. I understand your skepticism. One of those countries over there considers abandoned bird nest a delicacy. And in fairness, it may very well be the Philippines, but I don't think so.  Also in fairness, we eat the deep fried testicles of several types of animals, so check your prejudice fucko!

I will never forget my first taste of Filipino food. It was this dumpy little place in Virginia. Located in a strip mall and set up to seat over 150 people. It was cafeteria style. You walked in. Got your tray. Pointed to the items you wanted and then paid. The cost was decided on the types and number of items you chose.

Here's where it gets weird though. Once seated, I was handed a book. I was compelled to choose a song. Then I was handed a microphone and told that everyone who eats here sings...😳...from their seats...😳😳

Horrified and slightly embarrassed, I chose Welcome to the Jungle because fuck it! They wanna have karaoke at gunpoint! Very well then...I'll go hard in the paint!

And I rocked that shit bruh! Did the Axl Rose snakey-dance and everything. I changed those bitches’ lives!! Panties thrown at me and all that shit. For that moment in time I was a fucking ROCK GOD!!! Sex, Pancit, and Rock & Roll!

The cute Filipino women were melting and swooning. Even the men wanted my love gun! Shaking their heads and closing their eyes. Trying to shake off the feelings of lustful attraction  towards this tall, not very handsome, gawky white man over there. They were drawn to my gyrating and screaming. Inexplicably needing to give in to the desire they felt.

And that is exactly what happened! The door was locked. The OPEN sign was turn off. The shades were drawn. And WE fucked. All of us. Everyone locked in that most unholy of unions know as “group sex food orgy.”

Everyone was fucking and eating. Eating and fucking. There was pork and cum and lumpia flying everyfuckingwhere!! Ceiling tiles falling out. Chairs broken. Napkin dispensers dented. There might have been an Alpaca. And I was a raging monster bro! Mowing through everyone with my veiny menace. Pleasuring and destroying...leaving splintered driftwood and acid rain in my wake. Everyone got to taste the fucking pain. It was glorious! Pelican shit on the tables and Hot sauce on the walls...PANDAMONIUM!!

……………………..fuck!

So naturally, since that day I have loved some Filipino food.

But it is very very good...even without the memories of dirty group fucking on tables in that dumpy strip mall.

The outstanding food of the Philippines was influenced by everyone. The Chinese. The Moors. The Greeks. The Japanese. The Spanish. The Portuguese. Now, this is not all that uncommon. Conquering cultures leave their marks on the people they rape, murder, and maim. But the Filipinos took all of the shit that was dumped on them, in a culinary sense, kept the good and shitcanned the garbage (like gazpacho...cold soup...what the fuck?!?!)

And then there is Cyprus.  They took all of their culinary influences and kept the shitty stuff. Their food is greasy, unflavorful, and just overall terrible.

To me, Filipino food is what Chinese food is supposed to be. A big plate full of meat and other things.  From lumpia (Filipino eggrolls) to Pancit (Filipino fried noodles) it is all fucking great. And the best part, is that it is all so rustic and simple. I haven't been everywhere but I have visited 24 different countries and, with the exception of fucking France, all of the local food has been simply made with simple ingredients and simply presented. No pretensions. No excess bullshit.

Now for the recipe.

Traditional Adobo calls for cut up (bone in) chicken. I understand this goes against our inherent laziness. We are not trying to fight with bones.  However, if you are gonna take the time to make a culturally accurate dish...wait until you try it as intended before you bastardize it.

Having said that, I will list the traditional recipe and my little tweaks below it. The ingredients are the same but the cooking method is a little different to cut down on cooking time.

Chicken Adobo Ingredients

  • 1 whole Chicken separated into 8 standard pieces. And then further cut into smaller pieces. This will require you to cut through bone. I hope you have a quality straight edge knife. Serrated knives with shitty steel ain't gonna do it. Put on a good cutting board and hack at it.

  • 5 cloves garlic smashed

  • 1/2 t. Ground ginger

  • 1/2 chopped onion

  • 1/2 green pepper sliced into spears.

  • 8 tablespoons soy sauce

  • 8 tablespoons vinegar

  • 1 tablespoon ground black pepper

  • 1/4 cup sugar

  • 11/2 cup water

Instructions:

Toss all of this shit into a pot and cook over medium low heat until chicken is cooked and sauce is thick.

Now for my little tweaks.

You absolutely can prepare this according to traditional method above. It will be great...but it will take all fucking day.

My directions...

Take large pot (I use 9qt cast iron Dutch oven) and place on burner over medium heat. Add 1 stick of butter. While melting butter toss the garlic, peppers, onions, and chicken in the pot. Add 1/4 cup of flour. Mix well. Salt and pepper. Let Chicken cook for about 10 minutes stirring often to prevent the flour from burning.

Add everything else and cook for 30 minutes or so. I also like to add a little pineapple juice or cherry juice to add a little sweetness and cut the acid.

Cook until sauce is thick and chicken is falling off of the bone.

Season with salt and pepper to taste.

Serve over jasmine rice. For rice cooking directions see the fucking bag.

Enjoy!

Ranting

Ranting

Let The Healing Begin...Chicken Marsala

Let The Healing Begin...Chicken Marsala