OK. cool.

Robert Kraft, Prostitution, Typing, and Failed Sex

Robert Kraft, Prostitution, Typing, and Failed Sex

OK. I’m fucking struggling over here.

Let’s be real. I have been struggling for years.

My issue? I cannot type properly.

As a junior in high school I did not pay attention in typing class. (yes, it was actually a class) Nope. I didn’t pay attention. I was so busy trying to fuck this girl named Janelle, that I completely blew off the part of the class where one learns to type without looking at the keyboard. Blew off all of the exercises and everything.

So now, here I am at 43 years of age looking at my fucking fingers in a room that is too dark for me to see.

I am currently travelling for work. And consequently, I am in a room with either overly oppressive fluorescent lighting or a completely inadequate reading lamp. There is no in-between.

So, I have a choice. I either sit in my chair wearing shades to keep from going blind, or give myself scoliosis by hunching down over the keyboard like fucking Quasimodo.  

I blame Janelle.

And my completely over the top teenage hormones.

And Janelle’s fat, perfectly round ass.

And my bargain basement Chromebook for not having a back-lit keyboard.

Incidentally, I did eventually get with Janelle, kind of. But it was years later.

At a party. I was back from college. She was still working in retail. Lots and lots of drinking.

I confessed to her that I had always wanted her. She immediately perked up. Making out on the couch with the party happening around us. Eventually we retired to a bedroom.

***Let’s fast-forward to my shame***

She had, at some point, acquired a tramp stamp tattoo. You know the ones that were popular in the 90’s. Right above a chick’s ass. Centered on the apex of the ass crack. Well, hers was particularly awful. Janelle had tattooed the name of a past boyfriend above her ass. But his name was Ashley. I shit you not.

And he was a friend of mine.

Consequently, the whole time I was trying to fuck her from behind, I was picturing Ashley doing the same thing...and looking at his name tattooed above her ass...and seeing his sweaty ginger-haired head making fuck faces. His disgusting freckle covered mug contorted in the throes of ecstasy. His small stubby hands gripping her hips the way my hands currently were.

I got grossed-out. Lost my erection. And to cover my embarrassment, I pretended to cum and we both promptly passed out. Her laying on her face. And me with the condom still on my flaccid member.  

Here’s the kicker. She actually called me the next day. Said she had a great time and wanted to do a proper date.

See...dammit. I was not trying to write a post about my sex failures. I am trying to write one about the most interesting news story at the moment.

Robert Kraft

Am I the only man in America who is willing to admit that Robert Kraft is not evil for paying to get his dick sucked?

The story first broke on the 22nd, as a blurb about Mr. Kraft getting popped in a sting operation at the Orchids of Asia Day Spa in Juniper, Florida.

He has since been charged with two counts of solicitation for prostitution.

But then here comes the news media. Those motherfuckers never pass up a chance to make a rich white man look bad.

'The Monsters Are the Men': Inside a Thriving Sex Trafficking Trade in ...

Robert Kraft and the fight Against Human Trafficking

NFL must ban Robert Kraft if sex trafficking allegations are true - New ...…

The list goes on and on.

See how the narrative changed?

It initially began as a minor scandal. An aging, wealthy widower paid to get a blowie while in Florida.

Now it has snowballed into this giant mess. The narrative now is that Robert Kraft, billionaire and owner of the most successful NFL franchise in history has secretly been supporting a human trafficking cartel.

No. No no no no no.


Robert Kraft, one of the most successful businessmen in the United States, needed a blowjob. That’s the story.

The man is 77 years-old. He is short. He is kind of troll-like. He is crusty and old, bruh! But on top of all of that, he is very recognizable.

Where is he going to go to score some ass at his age? Is Robert Kraft wandering into a night club and dancing the evening away with hopes of winning over the sexual favors of some random chick?

Probably not.

Is he trolling the supermarkets and picking up MILF’s?

Decidedly not.

How does an aged, wealthy, and very recognizable man get his dick sucked?

He pays for it. Out of necessity.

I’ll go one step further.

I am having a hard time finding a reason why a man of his stature shouldn’t pay for it.

Fuck the morality. Fuck the ethics. Fuck the legalities. Fuck all of that and take a step back. Look at the world from his point of view.

It's the age of the #MeToo movement. He is a very wealthy and powerful man. Do you think there is any possibility for a man like Mr. Kraft to meet a decent woman with noble intentions?

Sure. Yes. It's possible.

But, is it likely?


Social media being what it is. Opportunistic people being what they are.

The potential for someone of his stature to be publicly dragged is high. Too high.

So he pays.

There's also the time and effort factor. Why the hell would a man in his late seventies want to invest the time and effort required to woo a woman into bed? He doesn't want all the headaches that come along with maintaining a side piece!

So he pays.

There is also the male factor. Men “eat with their eyes” so to speak. Women do too, but they're fucking amazing. Women can look past a lot of shit and find something attractive about the man they call theirs.

A woman can crawl into bed with a 77 year-old man and see acceptance and desire and history and love. They see how he cares and provides and cherishes. All of those things make panties wet.

Men, on the other hand, not so much. Men see a 77 year-old woman. And, pardon my shitty grammar, ain't no man tryin’ to fuck a 77 year-old woman. Hell nah!

So he pays.

And as far as that pretty little thing he has back in Boston, if she were handling business he wouldn’t be willing to pay. But she isn't. So he pays.

He pays for professionalism.

He pays for ease.

He pays for the simplicity of a cash transaction.

He pays for a service.

And for those douche-nozzle men trolling social media and mocking him for paying, use your fucking heads. He pays because it makes sense. And furthermore, you’re paying too. Just in a different way. And if you were honest with yourself for even a moment I would be willing to bet you’d agree that his method of payment is much less complicated.

Human trafficking is fucked up. Reprehensible. But Mr. Kraft, and the other 26 people yet to be named, are not at fault. They're paying for a service. Service was provided. End of story.

Want to fix the human trafficking problem in the United States? Legalize and regulate prostitution.

Legalize it. Assign authority over it. Tax it. If you remove the criminal element, recognize sex work as a legitimate profession, the people immediately fall under the umbrella of our employment system. With all rights and benefits therein. Problem solved.  

Those Behind The Depressed

Those Behind The Depressed

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